Boody Sunday

Yesterday (sunday) was one amazingly horrible day for me. It all started with a discussion about what to do with our youth group and how to help our kids grow spiritually.


Lets just say that it escaladed to places that were just not appropriate. Not all of it was my parent's fault either.


I'm notorious for stuffing up my issues and letting them blow all over those closest to me. The good news is, my boiling over periods never last long. I never hold on to my anger or despair for long at all. It doesn't take much to whip me back to reality again.

Still, that's no excuse for me taking out my issues on my family. That's what God's for. :)

The problem is, I may be terribly upset, but it's never really about the matter at hand. The matter at hand (such as the youthgroup) just triggers already existing problems I have that never become resolved.

I don't even know how to begin explaining everything, or even if I should.

All I know is, I've got a lot of garbage in my life that never seems to go away, and it's the people closest to me who feel it the most. I try to change, but it seems impossible.

That song I posted a while back ("No one left to hurt-no one but myself") always seems like it was written by someone else. I never feel that way, except on days like sunday. On a day like that, all I know is what is written there.

It always ruins my family's day whenever I find myself in that ugly place again. We are so in tune with each other that there is no escape when a member is out of wack. I especially since I am a child.

My parents have immersed themselves in my life since I was born. There lives revolve around me and my well being. I have no right to harass them in such a way.

As usual, the intensity goes away, and we forget about our conflicts. But they always come back.

Why oh why does God allow such things to happen?

Have mercy on me Lord.