After a week away from my home, my friends, my job, my responcibilities; after a week in Tennessee, I have returned.
What a strange week it was. Fun and...yet not so in places. It was good to go anyway to be with my family (aunts, uncles, cousins etc.). How much I love them and ache for them.
I love them because they are my flesh and blood, I spent much of my childhood surrounded by them, some are like my siblings. I ache for them because many of them need God.
It's hard for me to remember that they are all human beings just like me. All the people in the world have lived entire lives apart from mine complete with free will, including my family. It's not my part to save them, only to show them what having christ in you life is like. Only God can save them.
It's strange to share so much with people who are so different. It's hard sometimes not to condemn them in my heart, that is why I ache for them instead. My heart aches for them. It feels weird to play and laugh with people and yet know that they aren't living for the same purpose in life. Some don't even have a purpose or destination, they're just drifting along. Yet they still have time to love and share in my life.
It's interesting to see how my family members have changed and lived their lives over the years.
We rented a pontoon boat for the lake on 4th of July. What an exhilerating experience to fly across the water with assorted cousins in tow. Seth even water skiied for a record 5 seconds. We had some lovely BBQ, and watched the fireworks display a few hundered yards from where they were launching them off. I've never had them so close above me. Woot! Fire works are always better over water. My favorites are the ones that linger like weeping willows. Beautiful.
We would chill out by the pool for hours on end. Alas, I couldn't shed my farmer's tan. I must bear it like a man (I don't have enough pride to walk around shirtless all the time).
I taught the game of Mow to a few of my cousins, and soon they were calling my cabin early in the morning shouting "Mow mow mow mow moooowww!!"
Probably the oddest aspect of the trip was meeting my grandpa for the first time. We didn't know he was going to be there, so it was a surprise. He hasn't been completely estranged to those in the family who try to reach out to him, but we weren't one of those (and he certainly didn't reach out to us). He's always been there in the back of my mind as this mysterious figure who used to be a part of my mom's familie's life. It was so weird to meet this man with such a reputation standing there, like a normal old guy.
The weirdest moment was listening to him chat with my grandma, whom he divorced back in the early 70s, like nothing had ever happened. As angry as I am with him for what he did to my grandma and my aunts and uncles, he is still my grandpa. My grandpa...how unnatural it feels to say that.
I thought for a while about what to call him. I've always called him "Your dad," "mama's dad" or "dan" when ever he was being discussed. But what was I to call him to his face? I've had zero relationship with him, which makes the title "grandpa" feel unfitting. But he still is my grandpa, the one God gave me, complete with all his flaws.
The plus side of meeting him was understanding where Seth gets a lot of his mannerisms from (only with 50 years of aging). It made me laugh. "so it's genetic." I always knew Seth looked like him from pictures, but I didn't forsee the mannerisms as well (even down to the perpetual smile-face).
Towards the end of the week, it felt like everyone was tired and staying in their individual cabins, not visiting. I think part of what led to the downgrade in excitement was my aunt Carol and cousin Joey having to leave early. The other possible reason is that the height of activity (the 4th) was right there at the beginning of the week, leading the rest downhill. The end of the week was not all boring for my part however, because I got to see Superman Returns and Pirates Of The Carribean: Dead Man's Chest with my dad and cousins!
Dead Man's Chest, of course, was great. How could it not be? But what I didn't expect to like was Superman. Most people have heard me bitterly predict that the film would tank and no one would like it. Oh, how wrong I was. Superman is the Lord Of The Rings of superhero movies. I've seen it twice now, and both times, it left me just sitting there...absorbing. I'll go as far as to say that it was better than DMC, and probably the best film this summer. I'm sorry I doubted you supes! If you want the full rundown of why Superman hit me so hard, ask me in person (it would take too long to write about tonight). Don't get me wrong though, Batman is still my favorite hero. : )
Now I'm home, going to work, and getting ready for another semester next month. Real life.
I just pray that God would help me with the convoluted emotions I'm feeling these days. I think I have my life together when God slips another curve in the road.
I guess the next thing happening in my life is another week at camp starting in August. I can't wait. I feel so...home with God at camp. It's a time of rest for me spiritualy.
Anyway, that's all for now.
I love all of you.
