Sleep

Z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z
z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z
z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z *snort* "eh?"* cough*"Mmmhmm"
...z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z
z z z z"gwoooowwwwwereor"*sniff-sniff* "scweeeeeeeew"
...z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z..."Mmmm...cake."
z z z z z z..."latte..."...

Starting

I came to this realization a few days ago.

I was in one of those moods where I was thinking about who I am and why I exist.

Yeah, I know.

In everything I do, everywhere I go, somewhere in my mind and psyche, I am always starting.

Let me explain: I have been working at the Magpie Coffeehouse for a year+, and I still feel like I am training. I still feel like I am getting to know the people here.

I feel like we are still building our house (which we are), and I feel like we just moved there still. It still feels new, like i'm not used to it.

When I'm at camp, I still feel like it's the begining all the way through the week.

I realize I'm still young, but I feel like I'm a child inside, not a 19 year old sophmore in college.

Even some just plain normal days, it feels like it's morning, and then it's time for bed.

The last time I felt completely okay with where I was, was back in D.C., eleven years ago.
Because I was born there, it just felt like everything was complete. That was the last time I knew that the begining was over, and I was somewhere before the end.

I can't decide whether it's a negative thing or not. I'm not sure it's a bad feeling at all. It's just a strange psychological phenomenon, like how the years go by faster as you grow older.

Sometimes, it's a refreshing feeling. Sometimes it feels like Groundhog's Day.

Anyway. Interesting stuff to muse on.



By the way. I just want to say a prayer to God:

Be with those who are in pain.
Be with those who don't know who they are.
Be with those who can't help it.
Be with those who can't find true love.
Fill their holes.
Satisfy, sustain, comfort them.
Lift them above the lies.
Hold them close lord.