Starting
I came to this realization a few days ago.
I was in one of those moods where I was thinking about who I am and why I exist.
Yeah, I know.
In everything I do, everywhere I go, somewhere in my mind and psyche, I am always starting.
Let me explain: I have been working at the Magpie Coffeehouse for a year+, and I still feel like I am training. I still feel like I am getting to know the people here.
I feel like we are still building our house (which we are), and I feel like we just moved there still. It still feels new, like i'm not used to it.
When I'm at camp, I still feel like it's the begining all the way through the week.
I realize I'm still young, but I feel like I'm a child inside, not a 19 year old sophmore in college.
Even some just plain normal days, it feels like it's morning, and then it's time for bed.
The last time I felt completely okay with where I was, was back in D.C., eleven years ago.
Because I was born there, it just felt like everything was complete. That was the last time I knew that the begining was over, and I was somewhere before the end.
I can't decide whether it's a negative thing or not. I'm not sure it's a bad feeling at all. It's just a strange psychological phenomenon, like how the years go by faster as you grow older.
Sometimes, it's a refreshing feeling. Sometimes it feels like Groundhog's Day.
Anyway. Interesting stuff to muse on.
By the way. I just want to say a prayer to God:
Be with those who are in pain.
Be with those who don't know who they are.
Be with those who can't help it.
Be with those who can't find true love.
Fill their holes.
Satisfy, sustain, comfort them.
Lift them above the lies.
Hold them close lord.
I was in one of those moods where I was thinking about who I am and why I exist.
Yeah, I know.
In everything I do, everywhere I go, somewhere in my mind and psyche, I am always starting.
Let me explain: I have been working at the Magpie Coffeehouse for a year+, and I still feel like I am training. I still feel like I am getting to know the people here.
I feel like we are still building our house (which we are), and I feel like we just moved there still. It still feels new, like i'm not used to it.
When I'm at camp, I still feel like it's the begining all the way through the week.
I realize I'm still young, but I feel like I'm a child inside, not a 19 year old sophmore in college.
Even some just plain normal days, it feels like it's morning, and then it's time for bed.
The last time I felt completely okay with where I was, was back in D.C., eleven years ago.
Because I was born there, it just felt like everything was complete. That was the last time I knew that the begining was over, and I was somewhere before the end.
I can't decide whether it's a negative thing or not. I'm not sure it's a bad feeling at all. It's just a strange psychological phenomenon, like how the years go by faster as you grow older.
Sometimes, it's a refreshing feeling. Sometimes it feels like Groundhog's Day.
Anyway. Interesting stuff to muse on.
By the way. I just want to say a prayer to God:
Be with those who are in pain.
Be with those who don't know who they are.
Be with those who can't help it.
Be with those who can't find true love.
Fill their holes.
Satisfy, sustain, comfort them.
Lift them above the lies.
Hold them close lord.
posted by Your humble servant at 10:56 PM
1 Comments:
I think it's all relative. You still feel like a newbie at Magpie because relative to its existence, you are :) But sometimes people are just more aware of the beginnings of things. Maybe it depends on what you're focusing on and whether you notice the endings or beginnings more. Endings are generally difficult but like beginnings, they happen all the time to varying degrees. Okay, so they may not be hard for everybody but I don't like endings.
How do you feel about ending your "teenage" years? Looking back, is there anything you would change or have done differently? What are you thinking looking towards the next 60 some odd years?
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