Meeting God on Route 18

I wrote this as a responce to a post made on WMP asking what my best worship experience was:

"My best and longest lasting experiences with God didn' t even happen during church worship at all. Woship is a lifestyle, it is serving God, and being obedient to what the scriptures and spirit are telling you. I love the church, I really do, but I am getting increasingly irritated when people refer to worship as exclusively a congregational activity. *rrrr*

One particular connection stands out in my mind however. I was driving down Route 18 in Maryland. There is a spot on this road that they call the Gap. It's a place where the builders of the original road felt they needed to blow an exceptionally big hole in the mountain to make way for the road. I mean...huge. You can see the gap from miles and miles away and there is a state park there. What also makes it special is it is one of the highest eleveations in Maryland. My dad was driving as we climed up towards the Gap.

It's funny that someone should mention Acquire the Fire earlier in the thread. I've been to the Minn MN ATF many times and love it. This time, I was not able to attend because my aunt died in Maryland and my cousin really needed me to be there. I was not happy to miss ATF because it is a wonderful spiritual experience. It was a selfish bitterness. I knew that going to Maryland for my cousin was the right thing to do, but I still resented it.

Still ruing in my stupor, I glanced behind me just as we were about to enter the Gap and BOOM. I saw creation in all it's beauty and majesty and I knew in my heart that God was with me. Romans talks about the fact that even though some may not have heard of God or Christ, God reveals himself to every one of us through what has been mad--through creation. At that moment I knew all that I needed to know about God and that was that he loved me.

I'm not without purpose. Even in such a huge and beautiful place as Earth, I am never forgotton. In fact I am the foremost thing on his mind. :)

God's Gift

Another song. Potentially cool music too: for those who saw Hero: imagine a metel version of the music played in the chess house. :)

God's Gift:

Look into my eyes
Witness death by fire
Rize from the smouldering ashes
Like a lion, you're born to prowl

Fearless Rage
So uncontrolable
The end of days is not so far away
Don't ever say
I never warned you
No time to figure it out
Can't run away from me

C: Oh-oh can you feel the rock and roll
Oh-oh, yeah it feeds my soul
The animal... is free

Embrace the winds of freedom
Spread your wings and prepare to fly
This is the day that you've been waiting for
Come with me and kiss you world goodbye

Can you hear,
The thunder rumbling
It has become the very air you breathe
Can you believe,
This isn't heaven?
Sometimes it feels so close that I'm already there


(C) 2005

Sleek Pics

By the way, that sleek pic in my profile is actually me. I took that photo in my basement during a fit of creativity (the photography fits come every once in a while). All I did was shade it blue in the computer. This one to the left is another (and much creepier) pic I took on the same day (a few months ago). I changed nothing on this one.

It was a strange "shoot." I've done shoots of other people just for fun; mostly Seth. He has no shame when it comes to facial expressions so the shoots are usually pretty funny and cool. He would make a good actor.

But as for the shoot which these are from, I wasn't photographing someone else. I was photographing myself, and with crazy-nutso lighting tricks I was trying to pull-off. After dozens of start-the-camera timer-run-and-pose pictures which didn't turn out so well, I opted to find a mirror. I placed the mirror behind the camera so I could see what the light was doing on my face when the camera went off. It was a lot of fun, and I would love to do a "shoot" with other people as well. I love photographing people.

My dream song

I keep forgetting to write about this.

I told a few of you about it at the last cell group. I've been asking God to help me to be open to his spirit in all ways, and I specifically hoped for dreams. The other night, I had a dream about a song. I was playing it, but I could hear a whole band and someone else's vocals going with it. It was an awesome song too, musically and lyrically. I knew that it was straight from God. Here's the problem: I didn't wake up in time to write it down, so it's temporarily lost. All I know now is that God has a song waiting for me (it might be the one below), and that in his time, it will be revealed to me.

Where do I draw the line?

Right now I'm in a position of disagreement with one of my parents. The issue itself is not important as it is not an issue of salvation or my life's future or anything. What is important is I'm having a hard time finding the line between disagreement and disobedience. I've never respected people who rebel against their parents for the sake of rebelling. The fact is, I'm not disagreeing for the sake of rebellion. I've been praying about it and seeking the wisdom of many counselors, and I just think my parent is wrong on this issue.

I hate being like this. It's kind of shaking me up. For the first time in my life I'm experiencing what every child must: their own life-apart from their father and mother. Again, the matter of dispute is not my problem, my problem is I know that this will be one of many disputes in which my parents may be wrong. This is shaking me up, as they are, and always have been the rock I stand on. Even as old as I am, I still have trouble looking at them as human beings and not the alpha-and-omega that a parent is to a child.

The anxiety over the issue stems from the fact that we are so close knit in our family. I've doubted my parents in the past as we all do, but they've always been proven right. They've always been right.

However, I am an adult now. Does that mean that I know everything? No! Does that mean I shouldn't listen to my parents? Certainly not. Does that mean that I'm capable of making my own decisions in life on my own? Never, but I still have to make them.

The thing is, I still want to respect my parents, and their opinions as they are very wise, are very Godly, and have lived in the world much longer than I.

I sound like a squealing little boy who wants candy and I don't like it. But what if I'm right?

Where do I draw the line between disagreement and disobedience?

No One Left To Hurt (but myself)

This is a song I started writing on friday and finished tonight. Considering my track record, this tis the fastest I've ever written a song in my life's history. It's a really emotional one for me too. Thanks for listening. Here it is:

"No One Left To Hurt (but myself)"

V1:
I wish there was a place
Lined with padded walls
With hidden spikes underneath
Where no one could hear my calls
A place where I'd be trapped
Forever more to dwell
Those I love could stay in heaven
I'd be left here in my hell

Ch:
There's no one left to hurt
(No one but myself)
I heaped my pain on all the world
(With what strength I had left)
I try to wipe the blood off my shirt
(But darkness blinds my eyes)
I hate this broken human shell
(Leave me here to die)

V2:
Alone in my self-pity
I've done my part in life
To poison those around me
And touch them with my knife
I don't deserve to feel the sun
To see the light of day
Lock my prison and throw the key
The world has become my prey

Ch.

Brg:
If nothing can change anything I've done
Why forgive me? Why not just run?

I've tried to understand
But I don't think I ever will

Ch.

(c) 2005

I take it all back

No doubt every one of you have heard me rail against Staple's new album "Of Truth + Reconciliation." This was due primarily to the fact that I was expecting to hear a rehash of their first release only better. What I got was a seemingly haphazard and wierd cd that just didn't do it for me. Upon further listening, I've decided that "Of Truth + Reconciliation" is in fact a great album and you should forget everything I said about it. It's different from the first in a major way, but it has energy of it's own. In particular, I like the tracks "Sound Of Silence", "Black, Blue, and Gold," "The Best Of Times," and "Final Night." It's a good album. Go Staple.

Monkeys rule by the way.

Fasting-I am so human

Okay, I'll cut to the chase. I'm going on another Media fast this week. I only say this because I could use some prayer in regards to it.

It all started about three years ago. I can honestly say that I was at the height of my spiritual walk so far during the fall of that year. There are several reasons why I believe that was, but I can't relate them all just now. All I know is, I am not as close to God as I have been, and bottom line: I'm not okay. I need to step up the pace so to speak. I've done it before, I can do it again.

In my experience, the purpose of fasting is this: to sacrifice a staple in your life, and whenever you feel the need for this staple, you shift your focus back on God. It can be anything, from food, sex, communication with friends, or a specific facit of your life. I discovered a couple of years ago that the biggest crutch in my life was the Media. Not only was it a distraction from more important aspects of my life in general, but also from God.

Fasting from these things was one of the many things that helped me reach that level with God. I'm partly inspired to do it again by Adam's talk last night, Derek Louix's talks last week, and bottom line, the holy Spirit. God wants me nearer to him. I need to quiet the voices that cloud my mind, so I can hear the only voice that really matters.

This is difficult for several reasons. Number one of course is, I really like the Media. A lot. But the other is my family. Because we are so close knit, nothing ever happens that goes unnoticed. Especially movies, as this is something we do together on a regular basis. I prefer to keep fasts private, and that's hard in my family. Some of them support my decision to fast like this, but others think it's a little wierd. I don't blame them. It's pretty wierd to me too.

Some prayer in this matter and others with my family would be appreciated. I love them to death and they are simply the closest to perfection I have ever seen on this earth. But they are human, and so am I.

Fingers in the Pie.

"Here I am, a brain the size of a planet and you're asking me to make espresso for you? You call that job satisfaction, cause I do."

I am, and have been an official guru of the Magpie tribe for several months now. The Magpie of course is simply the coolest Coffee house within several earths of here. It is run by the venerable Adam. Adam is my boss and tells me what not to do in a respected place of business in addition to utterly confusing me half the time. He makes me laugh. A lot.

Adam is superceided by the benevolent Melenie. Melenie is our den mother and works to mantain the sanity of us all (especially her own). Melenie is also widely considered to be our HR-go-to-lady. She also handles the cash around here, so make sure you know that 5X3 isn't 72.

Then there's Crissy. This lovely lady happens to be married to Adam. A cute couple they make. Their wedding was awesome. Crissy makes it her mision in life to be nice to people. Everywhere she goes: Smile!! She also has been known to do the cutest dances.

Contrary to rumors, Frodo does not work at the Magpie. *slap* However, there's Kelly-Rae to hold us over until Frodo gets here. Kelly is a barrel full of monkeys who is obsessed with sports. Any sport, you name it, she'll tell you all about it. She also makes a special effort to reach out to our regulars and help them cope with decafination anxiety when drip coffee is low. Don't ask her for "expresso" or she will have a silent explosion. Oh and don't tell her that you are a Yanks fan even if you are for real, no matter how fun it is to se her reaction. We must always do what we can to keep our co-worker's emotional stability intact.

Of course, there's always Jason. Without Jason, our kitchen would be unsafe to enter without riot gear. Armed with his sticky-labeler, Jason turned our kitchen into a well oiled machine. He also keeps all of us well versed in the politics of the day.

We have a frog named Gimli who pretends to work here. He's the one who gets the "intern tips."

There are so many more things to tell of the wonderful trip that is the Magpie Coffee house. Come and visit us sometime.

My new home.

Welcome to my new lair. I've never had a blog before so I might have trouble initially creating anything interesting for a while.

Be afraid!