Kelly
Here I sit with Kelly Rae-white. I ask her what I should blog about, and she says "Me!". So I am.
Once upon a time there was a troll named Kelly Finkle. Kelly was a very social troll who liked to visit with the other trolls over a nice mug of troll ale at the troll pub called "Troll Bocks."
On one particular visit, she approached a rather surley troll named Caders. "Caders, what's Caders precious?" she asked.
"D'know." Caders grumbled.
"Why it's your name silly!" she exclaimed.
"Facinating."
Kelly paused to reflect for a moment. Then she reached over and slapped Caders upside the head. "Snap out of it you hairy son of a camel!"
Caders lifted his head out of his ale and mumbled something about swimming stars.
"How many fingers am I holding up?" she asked.
"Schuma grfl wuma fluh, heeeeeeh..." said Caders
Kelly gave up and decided to find some more interesting trolls. As she scanned the pub, she came upon a troll lying close to the piano. "Oooo, what a sexy troll!" she said as she stroked her beard. "Lets go see if it's a guy."
Upon further inspection, she discovered it was none other than Adumbug, the mushroom farmer. "Are you a dude?" she asked after rousing him.
"Uh,...yeah. Um are you?" replied Adumbug.
"No. I am 100% chick." said Kelly.
"Oh good. That will simplify things." Adumbug paused for a moment. "Marry me babe." he said.
Astonished at her fast work, Kelly wasn't sure what to say at first. "Huh, yeah. Heck yeah!!"
Adumbug smiled as he laborously stood up. "Sweeeet." he said. "What's your name again?"
His question startled her out of her admiration of his considerable mid-section. "Belly! Er-Smelly, (shoot) I mean Kelly!"
"Iiiii like it!" he said.
So Kelly Finkle and Adumbug parted for the night as dreams of "I do's" and goat sausage floated in their heads.
As she skipped down the forest path, she came upon two people sitting by the road. "Hello dark scary lumpy people lying suspisiously by the side of the road at night!" she exclaimed.
"Yo." replied one of the shapes.
"What are you doing out here?" she asked.
"We're drinking mountain dew and listening to a Hawkeyes game on our headphones." the other shape replied.
"At last! Someone else who likes the Hawkeyes! Are they winning?" she asked.
"Of course not. The Cyclones are winning...as usual."
Kelly was in shock. "Nooo! How could you say that? Who do you think you are?"
The first shape stood up. "Well I'm Bob, and I'm pretty sure this is Judy. We're elves."
"Ugh, who ever knew elves could have such terrible taste?" she said. "Leave the Cyclone fans for the Cyclone fans." Kelly quickly made her way from the traitors. She soon forgot the attack on her sports team as she began to take in the feel of the woods. Around the bend, she heard a slight noise in the bushes. "I've had enough of strange people in the woods for one night thank you." she said, and scurried along.
She didn't get too far before a raving lunatic lunged out of the brush shouting "Shiv you, Shiv you!!" and waving around a knife. She deftly stepped aside in time to send him careening accross the road into the ditch where he fell into a river. She could hear him yelling out "There can only be one! I'll shiiiiivvv yooouuuuu!!!!!"
She had heard stories about the dreaded Were-Malanaphy, a self proclaimed "ninja of the apocolypse" who darts around trying to "shiv" people in the kidneys. Until now, she could have never believed such a ridiculous idea.
But who could think about assassination attempts when there were future husbands to think about? She sighed as she continued on, thinking of her soon to be betrothed, Adumbug. She sat down beneath a willow tree to think about her future with the hot stud of a troll, when she heard a voice coming from above her. "What's on your mind?" it said.
She staggered back to see a face in the trunk of the willow. "This must be the Lauramac Willow" she said to herself. She looked up at the face and said "I was thinking of my future husband."
"How does that make you feel?" asked the willow.
"All...sparkly!!"
"Tell me more."
"Well, he's like, a big orange ball..."
...And so she told the wise willow all about her newfound hubby, and about her troubles on the road. But alas, soon they had to part for the night was not getting younger.
As the happy troll arrived home, she realized how grateful she was to live in such a quirky forest with so many people living there. Who knows what she may find the next time she ventures out of her cottage?
I'll have to leave her story there. Maybe I'll pick it up again someday.
Once upon a time there was a troll named Kelly Finkle. Kelly was a very social troll who liked to visit with the other trolls over a nice mug of troll ale at the troll pub called "Troll Bocks."
On one particular visit, she approached a rather surley troll named Caders. "Caders, what's Caders precious?" she asked.
"D'know." Caders grumbled.
"Why it's your name silly!" she exclaimed.
"Facinating."
Kelly paused to reflect for a moment. Then she reached over and slapped Caders upside the head. "Snap out of it you hairy son of a camel!"
Caders lifted his head out of his ale and mumbled something about swimming stars.
"How many fingers am I holding up?" she asked.
"Schuma grfl wuma fluh, heeeeeeh..." said Caders
Kelly gave up and decided to find some more interesting trolls. As she scanned the pub, she came upon a troll lying close to the piano. "Oooo, what a sexy troll!" she said as she stroked her beard. "Lets go see if it's a guy."
Upon further inspection, she discovered it was none other than Adumbug, the mushroom farmer. "Are you a dude?" she asked after rousing him.
"Uh,...yeah. Um are you?" replied Adumbug.
"No. I am 100% chick." said Kelly.
"Oh good. That will simplify things." Adumbug paused for a moment. "Marry me babe." he said.
Astonished at her fast work, Kelly wasn't sure what to say at first. "Huh, yeah. Heck yeah!!"
Adumbug smiled as he laborously stood up. "Sweeeet." he said. "What's your name again?"
His question startled her out of her admiration of his considerable mid-section. "Belly! Er-Smelly, (shoot) I mean Kelly!"
"Iiiii like it!" he said.
So Kelly Finkle and Adumbug parted for the night as dreams of "I do's" and goat sausage floated in their heads.
As she skipped down the forest path, she came upon two people sitting by the road. "Hello dark scary lumpy people lying suspisiously by the side of the road at night!" she exclaimed.
"Yo." replied one of the shapes.
"What are you doing out here?" she asked.
"We're drinking mountain dew and listening to a Hawkeyes game on our headphones." the other shape replied.
"At last! Someone else who likes the Hawkeyes! Are they winning?" she asked.
"Of course not. The Cyclones are winning...as usual."
Kelly was in shock. "Nooo! How could you say that? Who do you think you are?"
The first shape stood up. "Well I'm Bob, and I'm pretty sure this is Judy. We're elves."
"Ugh, who ever knew elves could have such terrible taste?" she said. "Leave the Cyclone fans for the Cyclone fans." Kelly quickly made her way from the traitors. She soon forgot the attack on her sports team as she began to take in the feel of the woods. Around the bend, she heard a slight noise in the bushes. "I've had enough of strange people in the woods for one night thank you." she said, and scurried along.
She didn't get too far before a raving lunatic lunged out of the brush shouting "Shiv you, Shiv you!!" and waving around a knife. She deftly stepped aside in time to send him careening accross the road into the ditch where he fell into a river. She could hear him yelling out "There can only be one! I'll shiiiiivvv yooouuuuu!!!!!"
She had heard stories about the dreaded Were-Malanaphy, a self proclaimed "ninja of the apocolypse" who darts around trying to "shiv" people in the kidneys. Until now, she could have never believed such a ridiculous idea.
But who could think about assassination attempts when there were future husbands to think about? She sighed as she continued on, thinking of her soon to be betrothed, Adumbug. She sat down beneath a willow tree to think about her future with the hot stud of a troll, when she heard a voice coming from above her. "What's on your mind?" it said.
She staggered back to see a face in the trunk of the willow. "This must be the Lauramac Willow" she said to herself. She looked up at the face and said "I was thinking of my future husband."
"How does that make you feel?" asked the willow.
"All...sparkly!!"
"Tell me more."
"Well, he's like, a big orange ball..."
...And so she told the wise willow all about her newfound hubby, and about her troubles on the road. But alas, soon they had to part for the night was not getting younger.
As the happy troll arrived home, she realized how grateful she was to live in such a quirky forest with so many people living there. Who knows what she may find the next time she ventures out of her cottage?
I'll have to leave her story there. Maybe I'll pick it up again someday.
posted by Your humble servant at 4:22 PM
7 Comments:
Oh, My, Goodness! That is hillarious! I laughed so hard I woke her up! Nicely done.
A tree, huh? How does that make you feel? What comes to mind when you think of trees? Is there anything you want to talk about? I'm here if you ever need someone to talk to.
:)
12:45 am?
Are you crazy?
OH MY WORD!! That is freaking awesome, Caders!! I love it!! You'll have to finish my story sometime soon! The "shiv you" part was great and I especially liked the "orange ball" part!! I laughed my rear off. I really needed this today.....aweful day at work!! I am in anticipation of the ending! Love you, you silly Caders! (precious)
Kelly-Rae
Yes...
nice story cade. i can tell u have way to much time on ur hands. so have u gotten a new e string yet? u need your guitar in working order u know. and how is the job at the coffee shop coming? the magpie caffe i think? can u guess who this is? i have certainly given u enough hints. ah well ttyl.
The Shaddow
There are some who call you....
Tim?
there is an off chance that u may be right. good job. see u at camp
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