Blowing in the wind.

How many roads mus a man walks down?
Before you can call him man?
Yes, 'n' how many seas must a white dove sail
Before she sleeps in the sand?
Yes, 'n' how many times must the cannon balls fly
Before they're forever banned?
The answer, my friend, is blowin' in the wind,
The answer is blowin' in the wind.


Thank you Bob Dylan for these words which are simultaneously encouraging and infuriating. Pope John Paul II called him a prophet of sorts and he may be right. The pope also said that the answer is that there is one road...the road to christ. Can't argue there.

So yeah, there's like a road right? And I gotta be on the road. Well, which road is it? I'm on the road to christ without a doubt, but in truth, christ lies at the end of many roads. Which of those would he have me take? Morpheus says that there is a difference between knowing the path, and walking the path. Great. The character may have spoken truth here, but that leaves us nervous planners in an awkward position.

I guess what this means is that I need to add trust to my faith. Trust is hard in case you haven't noticed. I find that I function much better when I have a plan, even a general one.

The word says that God will grant us the desires of our hearts if we delight in him. But it also says that the heart is deceitful above all things: Jeremiah 17:

But blessed is the man who trusts in the LORD,
hose confidence is in him.
He will be like a tree planted by the water
that sends out its roots by the stream.
It does not fear when heat comes;
its leaves are always green.
It has no worries in a year of drought
and never fails to bear fruit.
The heart is deceitful above all things
and beyond cure.
Who can understand it?
I the LORD search the heart
and examine the mind,
to reward a man according to his conduct,
according to what his deeds deserve.

I see now how I am to find my way or road if you will. Trust works apparently. But in the middle there it says that our hearts are (in other translations) "desperately corrupt."

God will give us our desires, but what am I supposed to do when those desires are so improbable and far away? I've never had a lack of support from my family, but I've also had it drilled into me the importance of caution. Flying by the seat of your pants is not God's plan. I feel it's an ineffective way to live and wastes a lot of time. Through closeness and maturity, I have hope of knowing God's will for me, but that doesn't help me at the moment. (would you exactly call me mature?). But does'nt sitting around waiting for a part in the clouds waste time?

In truth, there is no end to how close you can be with the lord. So what line must be crossed before I and others can trust that I'm hearing from God? What's the line? Is there such a thing? I can trust God with everything, but that doesn't mean I must throw away my life needlessly.

I guess I just need to try every door, and through prayer, God will allow me through the ones he has in store for me.

To complicate things, I occasionally find myself in the frame of thought where I see the ripple effects that every action has on the universe. I feel that somehow, I and my deeds should be remembered by future generations, otherwise it wasn't worthwhile. Think about it though. I'm starting to think that the only thing that truely matters is the here and now. Your work and influence may last for generation, but who really cares? I am to please God, not man. Epitaphs are overrated.

I'm going to have to ponder this scripture for some time before I figure out what it actually means to me.