One of those nights

I'm longing.

My heart, body, soul, are longing for something.

For the life of me, I can't figure out what it is. Sometimes, I'm fooled into thinking I know, and then the tables turn.

My instinct is, "Oh, I must be longing for more of God," or "God must be revealing something to me." So I turn my focus on him.

When I do that, I wind up the same place I always do, "Cade, quit seeking for answers, God just wants you to seek him."

I ask him "What are you trying to teach me? Why have you allowed this hopeless feeling to overcome me?"

Again he says, "Patience. It's not your place to know everything about your life; I know, and that's enough."

I need to learn to let go. I'm not in control.

I must learn to be blind, to trust him to prepare my road for me, since he won't reveal it.

The world does not rest on my shoulders. They are all people too, people with free will.

Some days the feeling of searching is stronger than others, but it's always there.

God is teaching me how small I am. I have no choice but to trust and obey. Nothing else has ever made me happy.

It's not a sad feeling, but, more an anxious one. I'm waiting for the moment when it will all be clear, and I won't have anymore questions. But that moment hasn't come, and probably never will.

God grant me peace inside, and faithful trust.